On Productivity, Hares and Tortoises

I had a really long Christmas break. The kind of break that takes up half of January as well. So, when I finally returned to to the UK I was all excited to get back to work. There were so many goals I'd set out for myself and so much work that needed to be done. I love that feeling when you get a plan together . . .

The problem with that feeling is that it's fleeting. As soon as you sit down and you look at all the things you want to accomplish there's this wave of fear that takes over. How will I ever get ALL of this done? A year isn't long enough? I don't know where to start. I'm terrified. I will just chock this all up to a loss now and move on. 

And for the past few years, that's been my MO. Much excitement, a few weeks of hard work, a half-way finished goal, then utter panic. The kind of panic that's really funny to watch and really hard to live through. 

So this year when I felt myself slipping into the same pattern-- I stopped. I stopped worrying about goals, or what I felt I had to get done and started thinking about what I wanted and what I could live with. They're two very different things.

What do I want? Well, that encompasses so many things that I might as well give up now. Wants are hard. But as my middle brother would say, 'what can I lay my head on my pillow at night and be ok with?'. That's a lot easier to define. Progress. 

So this year, it's all about the progress. Can I rubber stamp this week as being a success? Well, I read a really good book, edited two chapters of my manuscript (we have a love/hate relationship going on), wrote out a postcard for a friend and in general began the process of getting back to my life. Is it as much progress as I wanted to make? No. If it was I'd be dancing around like this: 

But, I'm pretty sure if I'm looking for small victories, then this week has been a success. I think that progress really comes down to being a tortoise and not a hare. The hare rushes along at breakneck speed, certain that this week will be the last week of running. This week is the week that it all comes together . . . and then it doesn't. Which frustrates the hare, requires a two week sulk period (or more) wherein nothing is learned. The tortoise just keeps on keeping on and eventually laps the hare, learns the lessons, and creates a big win out of small victories. So, if this has been a tortoise week, well, I'll take it, rubber stamp it and move on to hopefully a week filled with Happy Dances :) Or at the very least, the kind of progress that makes me feel ok with the world when I lay my head down on my pillow at night.