love to hate to read you, babe

I'm not a mean girl. I never was a mean girl. I'm pretty sure I was too spacey and borderline oblivious to be that clever, cunning or cruel as a teenager. I was probably a victim of many a mean girl, but somehow as a teenager I didn't let it phase me. I have to kind of respect that about me. Because really, with a red afro and perhaps not the best taste in clothes, I could have been pretty miserable. And yet .  . . I wasn't. Overall, I was a pretty happy person, still mostly am.



And now, I find myself seriously distressed. I went from being a peace, love, tolerance and compassion (ok, I was pretty much a hippie minus being a stoner and you know born about 20-30 years too late)  teenager to a person who loves to 'hate read."


That's right I love me some 'hate reading'.


The f**k?



I have no idea when this personality shift took place. But it has. One of my biggest guilty pleasures is 'hate reading'. Up until recently, I didn't even know there was a term for it. However, a really good friend of mine forwarded me this article from Jezebel with the the subject line: THIS IS SO US! As I read through the article my jaw slowly dropped, my eyes grew round and I wanted to laugh, cry and tear my hair out in frustration. 


I am a 'hate reader' I might need help. 


Essentially 'hate reading' is when you subscribe to a Facebook page, blog, Twitter feed, Tumblr, website etc for the explicit purpose of mocking the content. This is not a public mocking-- or trolling. It's when you literally read something because you are a little obsessed with how much of a train wreck someone's life is, how over the top their baby photos are (as I'm getting a bit older and many of my friends have joined the happy world of parenting (BTW-- big CONGRATULATIONS TO THEM) I am seeing this more and more), or how condescending or pretentious their blog is. 


As an adult, I get why I 'hate read'. We all have those friends or frenemies or what have you who always seem to be doing so well. They always seem to have this incredible existence. Their lives are charmed. It's easy to get caught up in all the amazing things they are telling you about themselves online via either social networking sites, blogs, or those odious mass emails that read like bad Christmas letters of a bygone age. You know what I mean. I understand why there is an attraction to reading about other people's exploits, the drama other people get up to, because there is a certain level of let's call it judgement passing that takes place. For a few moments you are either so humbled by brilliance or outraged that someone, somewhere in the world thought this was worthy of posting. Do they have any idea how crazy they sound? How pretentious? How over the top condescending? How silly their poor child looks dressed up like a giraffe? Where are their friends? Why are they letting them carry on?


Sometimes, these thoughts cause my brain to burst a little .  . . 

As a teenager, I was all about not judging people. "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle". That was me in a nutshell, a very tolerant, slightly oblivious nutshell. I'd like to think I'm still like this. That my 'hate reading' hasn't changed me. But the reality is, it has. I'm more skeptical. I find fault where I used to find beauty. And secretly, I really hate it when someone does something so much cooler or better than I can, because well, comparisons are created to make someone else better and someone else less. I hate them. Elizabeth May (who's blog is sheer genius) recently did an amazing post on comparisons. Seriously, there's a picture of Batman riding a flying unicorn. Go read it. 


And I guess that's the crux of 'hate reading'. It's all about making yourself feel better. It's about indulging in something that elevates you slightly while bringing someone else a little bit lower. Without their knowledge. It's sneaky, but ultimately doesn't hurt anyone, except you. Sometimes, like bad Reality TV, its necessary. It's you reminding yourself that things could always be worse. At least you're not a contestant on The Bachelor or a cast member of any of the numerous Real Housewives series. You are better. You have won this small victory. You are not a total prat on TV! Success. 


Does 'hate reading' make me a bad person? I don't think so. It makes me a person. Flawed, yup, but a person. Will I stop 'hate reading'. Probably not. I'd like to. It's certainly a time wasting exercise. But, the reality is, it's hard to quit cold turkey. But, this year, I'm going to try to hate read less. Unsubscribe from Facebook pages, Twitter feeds, etc that I know just wind me up. Because, honestly, there's a point of diminishing returns with 'hate reading' and once you cross it, it's time to seriously look at how you are spending your time. Life is too short to 'hate read' in the extreme. It's also too beautiful to spend your time mocking. Even someone else's pretentious existence-- it's their life and they are choosing to share it with you, if you can't not mock it, maybe let it go. 


Hopefully, you're not out there 'hate reading' this blog. But if you are, I hope you are having a good time feeling a bit better about your life while laughing a bit (at) or with mine.



Would my teenaged self agree with 'hate reading'? Probably not. But then, she was a really cool person. And, let's be honest, she didn't own a computer until she was 19. There was no Facebook when she was around. So really, who knows if she would have been a secret 'hate reader'. 


Girl got off lucky.